OK
So, I volunteered to say a few words about my Mum, not an easy thing for any of us to do, but worthwhile I think, and so here we are.
I think it’s fair to say that myself and my brothers did not have a traditional relationship with any of my parents (all four of them, Jill, Ron, Katy and Mike) because from an early age we went to the boarding school here in Ruthin after Jill and Mike’s divorce and so, certainly from my own perspective my early formative learning – from about the age of 12 onwards was mainly done here in Ruthin, and away from home.
So, my relationships with all of my parents properly took off in early adulthood, and I suspect Mum preferred us as adults anyway.
And parents and kids – well they love each other.
But they don’t have to like each other.
Certainly not all the time.
And whereas I didn’t always see eye to eye with Mike, I am, and have been, blessed to have had Ron and Katy in my life.
And Mum was pretty cool too.
So that’s my word …
“Cool”
Mum was cool in so many ways
– laid back, elegant, efficient with words, quietly sophisticated, great fun at parties….
But how cool?
Well as a very young teenager…
Mum and Ron, living in Abu Dhabi, used to take us all off on a Friday to the beaches of Sadiyat Island in Ron’s beast of a power boat to chill with family friends.
A proper adventure…
.. every weekend.
And when we had had our fill of Barbeque and tired of messing around on the beach we would go water skiing.
Mum was an excellent skier.
And she only needed one ski.
And to a young, testosterone fueled, male, it was the coolest ski in the world.
I remember it well.
It was a very expensive taperflex slalom mono ski with a concave (not flat) bottom.
Of course,
of her boys,
Simon was the first to use it…
With Johnny and I eventually learning to master it too.
But it was always Mum’s ski ….
So, the words!
This was Karen’s wonderful idea and so important because it concerns grandchildren.
And it resonates with me because my relationship with my grandmother, like my Mum, was wonderful.
But so very different to that with my mother.
But still so very important
And Mum had a lot of grandkids.
Karen’s idea – which makes my job today so much easier – was to ask the grandkids to describe her in a word or two.
So, I have a list of words here and the name of each grandchild,
and whilst my interpretation of what each word means may be different from the kids,
I’m sure it will not be too far off the mark.
So, Eclairs – by Henry – well this is a no brainer!
Mum had an unique metabolism in that she could eat Chocolate Eclairs, chocolate, lemon drizzle cake, you name it..
by the boat load;
an Olympic Gold medallist in this endeavour, if such a sport existed.
Without putting on weight.
Genes she probably inherited from her father Rodney bless him.
And we have Brave from Cleo and Strong from Theo.
I think these words are a testament to how Mum dealt with her Parkinsons for the last 18 years or so of her life.
- For example, crawling around on her knees behind the couch to independently get something from the kitchen, much to the shock of visiting neighbours who thought we were being cruel by not assisting.
- Using wit to deal with her affliction by saying, on occasion, that “Mr Parkinson was getting the upper hand today” ….
- Dealing with the hallucinations that were a side effect of the medication she was on, by, during conversation with me, saying that the dwarves she was seeing were quite friendly and that the illusory cats (Mum loved her real life cats) were a nice touch.
She never gave in and she never let her condition define her, fighting to the end.
From Emily we have Resilient and glamorous.
Karen has dug out some photos of Mum and if you take a look at these you will see that Mum always dressed well and never let anything get in the way of this fact, in defiance of Mr Parkinson
but also a reference to all the men in her life who have been made to wait by her.
whilst she got ready for one activity or another….
Funny, compassionate and hungry by Barney
Dealing with “Funny” here…..
Mum had a very very dry and sometimes dark sense of humour
and in confidence was never afraid to tell you exactly what she thought.
Sometimes I don’t think she meant to be funny and was just stating what was on her mind,
very much like someone with Tourettes Syndrome…
It would just burst out!
And I’m sure that, we have all been told, at one stage or another, that she thought we’d put on a little bit of weight…
And sometimes this was meant as a compliment.
You just had to work it out.
Resolute by Lou
Again, applicable I think to her Parkinsons.
But also it may be because Lou observed that Mum didn’t beat about the bush.
She made decisions – and formed opinions – very quickly.
But she wasn’t afraid to change her mind either if her initial gut instinct or intuition was flawed.
Tenacious and fashionable by Elissa
Fashionable, we’ve covered.
Regarding “tenacious” …
A quick story of her tenacity was her attempt to keep up with her rampant teenage boys and a very accomplished Ron on a snow skiing holiday when she was learning and well ….
we were rampant
and Ron, having graduated from a Swiss school, well he was highly accomplished..
Those of you who snow ski will realise that it can be difficult for learners to keep up.
But Mum was doggedly competitive in this and as a result hurt her knee and we only really found out how much she was struggling when we got home when her stoicism hit a wall and we all found out the hard way..
Proud by Jak
…. meaning “independent and not wanting any help” I suspect …
But Mum was always very pleased with, and proud of,
how her large family turned out; and rightly so.
And as parents, myself and Karen, speaking for all of us I imagine, were always impressed and delighted with the frequency of the visits from all of the Grandkids to Mum and Ron in Didsbury in the later years …
She really loved that.
And she worried about us all
Just as if we were all still children;
no mean feat when there are so many of us….
Determined by Will
Determined is a good one….
I think Mum had received a dose of Covid in December 2019;
she certainly had pneumonia probably from inhaling food…
Whatever the cause, she was very ill
and I was very concerned for her.
So concerned in fact that her blank refusal to get ANY help around the flat was met with a story I made up on the spot
(because I thought she was about to die)
of her impending death being analogous to an aeroplane in a holding pattern over an airport …
and did she want to have a smooth or a bumpy landing …
But she didn’t get a cleaner or indeed any other help!
And I was wrong.
And she bounced right back!
I believe that Mum thought that she was never going to die!
Kind and caring by Minnie
and
Kind by Zucci
And she was.
Particularly to animals (except birds which she was irrationally scared of due I think to a bad encounter with a chicken or something when she was very small).
She loved her cats and was a sucker for those poor abused donkeys shown in TV adverts on daytime TV.
But she was also quick to forgive.
Back to being kids in Abu Dhabi …..
we eventually came in to possession of our own ski boats because a friend of mine …
Well, his Dad was the Managing Director of a company selling speedboats and the company had a carpark full of little Picton 15 speedboats that no one would buy.
I say boats, plural, because we sank two, one because one of us drilled a hole in the hull that we failed to seal properly and the second succumbed probably to cracks in the hull caused by a very fast beach landing.
Anyway both of these sinkings were sedate affairs – the sort where you moor the boat up in the evening and when you return the next day you find the boat underwater..
Unfortunately, on the second occasion Mum’s borrowed taperflex waterski was freed to float off somewhere on its own.
And when we told her, although she was visibly upset
(as were we all)
she was very sanguine about it.
kind in fact…
So, I suppose my final message is that, despite her fight in later years, for her,
for Mum
for Grandma,
she had a wonderful life,
.. made possible, to a greater or lesser degree, by all of us
.. and many others who can’t be here.
For Mum, I think, her answer to the Meaning of life was well
Just Life …
And she engendered so much of that in so many different ways..
And, whilst I believe in Heaven.
And here I am at risk of being struck by lightning from above,
I believe that this is Heaven.
I believe that we are all ..
already in Heaven.
But many of us just don’t realize this.
So, if I’m right, then Mum certainly experienced Heaven.
And if I’m wrong, then she’s having a double dose of it!
And for us …
For us,
We have these memories …. for example, my long gone Mum’s mother (my Nana) using the word “doins” to replace any word or name that didn’t immediately spring to her mind during conversation.
And Mum’s idea of remembrance when her parents died was for us to take something from the house to remember them by.
… and so I have a cutting of my Grandmothers Aloe Vera plant in my study and my Grandad’s shaving brush in one of our loos.
The memories will not always be in the forefront of our minds, but occasionally these objects will fondly trigger one.
But recently, unbidden, I have found myself in conversation expressing mannerisms that were my Grandmother’s
and Johnny puffs his cheeks out like Grandad used to when waiting patiently for someone.
And this may happen to some of you too!
Thanks for listening.
